My gorgeous puppy Titus whom we rescued at two months old weighing in at 5.6 pounds.

Here is my shooting STAR who found me on a night where the sky was filled with stars all the way to the heavens.

ISSUES OF THE HEART

I'd like to thank God for my salvation. Before I found God my life didn't amout to much. Growing up, I was always a shy and timid girl due to the fact that I was raised in a physical and verbal abusive home. When I entered high school my life didn't get much better. I was afraid to bring friends home from school because I never knew what the outcome at my house was going to be once my parents got home from work. Because of my shyness, classmates began to tease me badly. It got to the point that I would fake sick so I could leave school early or not go at all. I remember coming home from school crying almost every day and my family telling my I needed to learn to take "constructive criticism". I knew in my heart that the things these people did and said were most definately NOT constructive. I could never figure out why these people made fun of me, they had never met me or talked with me before so why did they hate me?? I drowned myself in my schoolwork and extracurricular activities, barely making it through my freshman year.
The next year in school went well, while home life didn't get any better. By my junior year I decided to do a vocational program call medical technologies, I spent my mornings at a different high school studying med. tech. and afternoons were spent at my home school. I breathed a sigh of relief for not having to spend the next year with people who were going to make fun of me. Think again. Two of the girls started spreading rumors about me to the class saying 'she's a slut', which I found odd considering I was a virgin all throughout high school. Pretty soon half the class was torturing me. It wasn't much better at home because I was being called all kinds of curse words and being slapped around from my mom. By the time midterms came around I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to kill myself, however it doesn't work when you only take half a bottle of advil. I guess no one thought it serious enough considering I was never sent to a psychiatrist.
After high school I was filled with so much bitterness and hate that I turned to alcohal, clubs, partying, and premarital sex. I thought no one could ever love me so why should I love myself?? Two years ago October, I married a marine and I moved from Cleveland, Ohio to Jacksonville, North Carolina. Soon after moving I was picking up applications at a shopping plaza. I wasn't going to stop at Old Navy for one but something inside of me told me to stop at Old navey. Praise God I listened to that little voice inside of me. Women from the church I now attend were outreaching outside of Old Navy that day. One of them approached me with a flyer and invited me out to church. She asked me if I was saved. Growing up in a Catholic home I had no idea what she was talking about. I said "No, I'm Catholic." She began to tell me how she used to live and how Jesus changed her. It sounded a lot like how I had been living. She asked "Do you want to pray?" That day I gave my life to Jesus. Little did I know that my life would be changed forever.
November will be two years since I've been saved and Jesus has given and taught me so much. He has given me a husband who loves me. He's blessed us with a child (due March 31. 2007). Jesus has also given me forgiveness for all the sins I've done and has taught me to forgive those who have trespassed against me. I've formed a relationship with my dad. I've written letters to my mom and sister letting them know I've moved forward and forgiven them for the past and asked for their forgiveness in return. To Jesus and in my heart I've forgiven those classmates that made fun of me. There is still pain but I find comfort in Jesus. There are times I wonder, 'why didn't I stand up and fight back when those people made fun of me? why did I just stand there and take it?' Then I remember the story in the bible when the pharisses and townspeople teased and tormented Jesus. He didn't fight back either, He stood there and took it. I find comfort in knowing my actions resembled Jesus' even though I didn't know him then.
The bible tells us this is the road less traveled and it is so true because it's hard to stay saved and to live richetously. Jesus has been pressing these issues on my heart and I believe it's to reach out to people and let them know about the goodness of Jesus.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?"